Tougher Than The Rest Outtakes
by KoalaLou
Summary: This is a collection outtakes and extra chapters from my completed fic Tougher Than The Rest. They are best read alongside, or after TTTR and I will say what chapters they relate to at the start of each chapter.
1. Chapter 1-15B

**A/N: The next four chapters fit into TTTR after chapter 15 and before chapter 16. Think of chapter 15 as 15a and these are 15b, 15c, 15d & 15e.**

 **These outtakes are a more in-depth look at Edwards struggle to reconcile his feeling for Bella with the enormity, reality and shock of her having a son. I know for some readers he is struggling too much, but I have also had a lot of readers say they like the realism of his struggle and I always felt he would struggle more than he did, so I had to write it that way as Edward just kept talking to me! These chapters actually turned out to be some of my favorite chapters (if you like a bit of angsty Edward!).**

 **I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is just what they got up to in my mind.**

 **15B "I didn't know you'd go ahead and fall in love with her…"**

As much as I wanted to have answers for Bella, I didn't.

It was now a few days after I'd found out about, and met, Tyler. He was clearly a great kid, but all that meant was that I needed to be extra cautious about my feelings and decisions.

All night I'd thought about Jake. Bella and Jake. Tyler and Jake.

Could I compete with him? Jake wasn't even around, so I knew that thought was stupid but I also knew Bella had been in love before and that relationship didn't end by choice. So was her heart even free to give to me?

I shook my head, I was thinking too deeply, as usual. Emmett always teased me for having an old head on my shoulders; shoulders that were twelve minutes younger than his, as he liked to point out.

I wanted to keep in touch with Bella and let her know I wasn't ignoring our situation, so I texted a brief message to her, hoping it would bide me more time. "I'm thinking of you but I need more time. I hope you understand."

It was brief but to the point.

I really hoped she understood.

But her reply surprised me.

"Sure. Are you going to Tanya and Eli's party?"

Shit! I dropped my head to my desk with a thud. Damn it!

My cousin never did things by halfs. She and Eli were both turning thirty in the same week, so, despite it being only a month or so since their wedding, they were having a joint birthday party at a restaurant downtown.

I knew all about it. I'd chipped in for a gift from the whole family. I'd stuck the invitation on my fridge and Emmett and I had made sure we didn't book any early meetings for tomorrow morning. Neither of us would be drinking much, as we'd be driving, but I now wished I could drink. With Bella at this party I'd sure want to.

I knew it was too late to change my plans and back out of the party now. That would send a bad message to Bella. Plus, part of me was desperate to see her.

That's why, several hours later, I was standing in front of the mirror in my suit, wondering whether to bother with a tie or not.

I signed, unable to find the fucking energy to care. I was about to walk into a minefield, a damn tie wouldn't change anything.

I threw my tie back on the bed. I didn't want to turn up looking like I'd just finished work, plus, part of me wanted to leave my top few shirt buttons undone, just the way Bella liked it.

I grabbed my phone, wallet and keys and rushed to leave my house before I changed my mind about going to this damn party at all.

I was dreading tonight, and secretly looking forward to it at the same time.

As I drove I gripped the steering wheel tighter than necessary, trying to remain calm. I knew I was torturing myself by wanting to see Bella, but I couldn't help the way my mind wandered to her. I'd finally let myself think of her today, unlike the rest of the week when I'd tried to stay as busy as possible and tried to avoid thinking about her at all.

Emmett and I had taken on a big building project, with me working the lead. The advantage of having a twin was knowing that he understood me. I didn't have to explain that I needed to keep my mind busy, Emmett merely handed me the blueprints and told me to make a start.

And I was grateful for it.

And him.

But now, tonight, not even he could help me.

I wasn't exactly thrilled that my whole family would be at this party. I knew they'd be keeping an eye on me and part of me didn't want to bother going. I didn't need their scrutiny, or worse, pity.

But then I'd remember Bella.

Would she show up?

What would she wear?

Would she even want to talk to me?

I turned off the engine of my Volvo and dried my palms on the thighs of my pants. I could see Emmett's car a few spaces over so I knew I'd have someone to talk to when I entered, which helped to calm my nerves.

My eyes scanned around as soon as I stepped into the hot and overly busy restaurant. A member of the staff dressed in a crisp black suit showed me to the private function room where I immediately spotted Emmett and Rosalie.

Without words, Emmett shook his head subtly at me, which I knew meant he hadn't seen Bella yet.

They were chatting to Tanya so I joined them, scanning the room in what I hoped was a subtle way.

"Where's Eli?" I asked Tanya once I'd greeted her, thinking I should be polite and greet the other host.

"Over there." She nodded to a small gathering of people before she continued. "I'd avoid him if I were you, though. He doesn't take kindly to his friends' hearts being broken. You're lucky we're blood or you wouldn't be standing here."

Lucky? I didn't know whether Bella had spoken to Eli about us or Emmett had told Tanya god knows what, but it seemed most people at this party knew all about my love life and hated me for it. That didn't sound very lucky to me.

"I can go. I don't want you to take sides, Tan." I was serious, this was all the excuse I needed to go. I really didn't want to cause issues between anyone.

"Hey," she held my shoulder and shook her head. "I was joking Edward, things are just raw right now. It'll be fine. Stay."

I scrubbed a hand down my face. I knew this party would suck.

"Besides, I kinda feel bad." Tanya rested a hand on my forearm and continued. "Some of this mess is probably my fault."

"How on earth do you figure that out?" I asked intrigued by my cousin's words.

"Why do you think I sat you on that table at the wedding? With Bella! It would have been so much easier to sit you and Seth as a pair at Emmett's table to keep the numbers even, but Eli and I may have thought that you and Bella meeting would be…interesting."

Well, damn! She set me up!

Emmett barked out a laugh. "Tan, what have you done!" he joked, slapping me on the back, waiting for my reaction.

I didn't know whether to kiss Tanya or kill her. She probably read my thunderous expression and started to defend herself.

"I didn't know you'd go ahead and fall in love with her, I just thought…"

"Love? What the hell?" I interrupted. I'd been annoyed before I even came to this party and now this was tipping me over the edge.

Emmett held my shoulder, calming me down. "Deny it all you want Edward, but what would you call it?"

Thankfully, at that moment Alice and Jasper joined us. Ali was oblivious to the tension surrounding us and started chatting away, making Tanya relax and laugh as the tension melted away. I slowly calmed down and enjoyed the fact that my love life was no longer the topic of conversation.

Then the inevitable happened.

I was in mid-conversation with Jasper and Alice about the road works outside my office block when I spotted her.

Of course she looked fucking beautiful.

Of course she wore a short blue dress that showed off her long legs and slender body.

And, of course her hair was down, falling past her shoulders and sweeping across her back as she turned to me and our eyes locked.

"Edward...Ed..." Alice tried to regain my attention but once she followed my gaze and saw Bella staring at me the way I was staring at her, she fell silent.

I watched Bella's eyes fall to my chest where I'd kept the top few buttons of my shirt undone.

I didn't realize we'd walked towards each other but, somehow, we were alone and face-to-face as her eyes drifted upwards to meet mine.

"So..."

"Bella..."

We both spoke at the same time and then paused in silence.

"You go first," I gestured to her and her mouth formed into a tiny grin as she shook her head.

"Always such a gentleman," she whispered, almost to herself. She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I was just going to ask how you've been."

"Oh, good. Okay." I shrugged. "Keeping busy with work."

She nodded at my unspoken words, the reasons I had to keep myself so busy. "So, where's Tyler tonight?"

Her eyebrows rose as she tried to hide her surprise, probably at my blatant mention of Tyler. I didn't want to pretend he didn't exist. I knew full well that he did.

"Having a sleepover with Garrett. They're sharing a takeout pizza and will be staying up far too late, I imagine." Her lips formed into a familiar smile at the mention of her son, her love and pride was so obvious. Her eyes again drifted to my chest where her smile suddenly dropped. She then sighed before making eye contact with me.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I have to go." She spoke slowly and softly, almost managing to hide the wobble in her voice. But not quite.

"Oh," I couldn't disguise my surprise. She hadn't been here more than a few minutes. "Don't leave..." She had obviously spent time getting ready tonight and had planned a babysitter; surely she wouldn't take off so soon.

"I thought I'd be okay seeing you but..." She shook her head before continuing. "It's a self-preservation thing," she concluded as she nervously rubbed her hands together and avoided further eye contact with me. "I'm sorry."

And with that she was gone.

I watched, listening to her heels clicking across floor to where Eli and Tanya were now talking to a woman who I think was Eli's mom.

Bella stood with her back to me as she chatted to them. I could see them shaking their heads then looking around the room, searching for someone. Eli then leaned forward and enveloped Bella in a hug as his mom continued to talk to her, getting more and more animated the longer she spoke. Eli then caught my eye over Bella's shoulder.

If looks could kill...

Bella then walked away without looking around as I watched her back dissapear, the door slowly swinging closed behind her.

Then she was gone.

I don't know what I was expecting from tonight, but that wasn't it.

I stood in a daze in the space where Bella and I had made small talk only minutes earlier.

I wasn't aware of my sister's presence until she spoke to me, placing her hand softly on my forearm in an annoyingly comforting gesture.

"Was that her?" she asked, reminding me how Bella and I hadn't even gotten very far into our relationship. She hadn't officially met my family; she'd never met my sister, which made me quite sad as I thought they had the potential to be great friends. Alice could see the best in everyone and would love Bella's caring heart and love for her family.

I shook my head clear of those thoughts. "Not now, Ali. I need some fresh air."

"Edward!" Emmett called out but I didn't turn around.

"Let him go." I heard Rosalie's voice say softly as I left the same way Bella had.

I found myself on the narrow street out in front of the restaurant. I could still hear the chatter from the party so I turned and walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, away from the distracting noise as I concentrated only on feeling the cool air on my overheated skin and trying to block out all other thoughts.

I didn't realize how far I'd walked until I saw a familiar car.

Her car.

The car I'd kissed her against after our date when things were so simple between us.

Just like last time, she was parked under a streetlight, no doubt a result of her police chief father's advice.

The eerie yellowish glow shining down on her car meant I could see her inside. As soon as I looked at her though, I wished I couldn't see her at all. Her body was hunched over the steering wheel, her head buried in her hands, her face covered by her hair as her torso moved softly, wracked with sobs I couldn't hear, but was certain I'd caused.

Whether she felt my presence or not, I don't know, but she looked up, directly out of the window at me. Her look of surprise was quickly hidden by her hands as she wiped furiously at her face and then looked quickly away again.

I pulled my hands from my pants pockets and approached her car.

I wasn't thinking straight, I just needed to get to her.

To comfort her.

To talk to her.

To touch her.

Before I'd realized it, I was walking around the front of her car and trying to open the passenger door.

By this time she had already started the engine and I'd realized the door was locked, another piece of fatherly advice, no doubt.

"Please."

She looked me in the eyes and hesitated.

I merely returned her gaze, watching as she bit her lip nervously before I heard the faint unlocking noise and tried the door again, feeling relieved when it opened this time.

I seemed to take her by surprise yet again, as instead of leaning in and talking, I go inside and sat in the passenger seat of her car.

"What are you doing, Edward?" She sounded exhausted as she spoke, speaking straight ahead to her windshield and not looking at me.

I, however, turned and looked at her. I knew she'd been crying but she'd now composed herself and just looked mad. Really mad.

I stuttered, not having an answer for her question so I shot her words right back at her. "What are you doing? You didn't have to leave."

"I did. I need to get home."

"Are Tyler and Garrett at your house?"

"No. They're staying at Garrett's, ready for karate tomorrow." She sounded tired and worn out, I observed as I watched her pick at a loose stitch on her steering wheel while she still didn't look at me.

I nodded, remembering their routine, which I'd never really forgotten. I remembered how every Saturday, Tyler had karate with Garrett, and it was her only real free time of the week. I knew this because I'd tortured myself by spending last Saturday wondering what she was doing and who she was spending her time with.

My silence must have confused her as she finally looked me in the eyes before her gaze trailed down to my chest as she released a small sigh.

"I'm driving home now, Edward." Her voice was a warning.

"Okay."

I didn't move.

She paused and raised her eyebrows at me.

I still didn't move.

She silently held my gaze before she shrugged, clicked on her indicator and pulled away from the curb.

We remained silent as I watched her drive, remembering the look she got when she concentrated. I saw her wrinkle her nose in annoyance as the green lights ahead turned red and I noticed the nervous fidgeting of her hands on the steering wheel while we waited in awkward silence for the lights to change. I saw her legs jiggling nervously which only drew my attention to the way her dress rode up to her mid-thighs in the driver's seat. I remembered how smooth and soft her legs are. Were. How soft they were because we weren't doing this again.

I shook my head, wondering what the hell I was doing, but I felt relieved once she joined the highway, because I knew then I knew there was no going back.

Knowing it was too late to get out the car now I finally turned and looked out of the window until she pulled in her driveway ten minutes later.

She stopped the engine and we sat in the car, both looking forward. The darkness of the evening was pressing upon me as neither one of us spoke.

"This is a bad idea," Bella whispered unconvincingly.

I ran my palms down my thighs as she watched me, her eyes following my hands as I remembered the ways in which she liked my body, my thighs, my hands. Past tense. Used to like my body. This wasn't happening again. Remember?

Or was it?

"I'll go if you want me to." I meant it. I wouldn't push her.

"I never wanted you to go." The pain with which she spat her words at me made me wince.

"Bella..."

"Don't. I don't want to talk about it." She straightened her back, and drew in a deep breath, no doubt biting back many more words.

She then unclipped her seatbelt, yanked her keys out of the dashboard and left the car with an almighty slam of the door.

I exited the car in a quieter fashion and followed her up the driveway.

She unlocked her front door and turned back to me, her eyes pleading, but I didn't know what for.

To leave?

To stay?

 **As mentioned there are three more chapters in this outtake.**

 **Please hit review and let me know what you think. I love your feedback and want to know what people think of my writing.**

 **Thanks to SarcasticBimbo and EdwardsFirstKissfor giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own.**


	2. Chapter 2-15C

**This is the next outtake, carrying on from the last chapter.**

 **A/N: I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is just what they got up to in my mind.**

 **Chapter 15C: Now my indecision was breaking both of our hearts**.

All it took was one step into her house for me to instantly remember every reason I believed I couldn't do this, but every reason I should fucking try harder.

Tyler's tiny Sketchers were by the welcome mat. A pile of dinosaurs were on his play table and his sippy cup was on the kitchen draining board.

All reminders of the decision I had to make.

A vase of brightly colored roses stood tall in the center of the dining table, immediately making my caveman instincts kick in. Where the hell had they come from? Who the hell had they come from? I used a vast amount of will power to bite back those words and instead focus on the fact that I was the one here with Bella now.

I watched her as she scooped up a few papers from the kitchen worktop and arranged them in a pile, and then quickly tidied away a few cups. Although her house looked pretty immaculate to me, she was busying herself by tidying things that didn't need tidying, and I knew her well enough to know she was trying to distract herself from our current unexpected situation.

"I didn't exactly think I'd have company tonight," she explained, breaking the silence we found ourselves in. "I thought I'd be spending my evening with Ben and Jerry after seeing you with some leggy blond at the party..."

My hands reached out and grasped her shoulders as I spun her around, making her squeal in surprise.

"Edwa..."

"I don't want anyone else," I growled at her angrily.

"Well you don't want me either."

"Bullshit!" I spat, still holding both her shoulders as I resisted the urge to shake her and make her understand.

Jesus, she made me so fucking mad sometimes. Didn't she know how much I wanted her?

How I couldn't stay away from her, even when I knew I should.

How much easier my life would be if I didn't feel this magnetic pull to her.

"I've never wanted any woman half as much as I want you," I confessed, trying to control the tone of my voice but even I could hear the gravely undertones when I spoke.

"Sure!" She scoffed, not makings eye contact with me.

She didn't believe me. Fine. I'd just have to show her how damn serious I was then.

I stepped impossibly closer to her. Her breath hitched but she didn't break my hold on her. She wanted me too. I knew it.

The way her tongue wet her bottom lip told me everything I needed to know and my lips found hers even before her hands found my chest, which was pretty damn quick, I can tell you.

She gasped into my mouth as I felt her relent and melt into my body.

Finally, she was in my arms again.

Right where I always wanted her.

Always needed her.

Her fingertips stroked the bare skin of my chest while her soft moans made my dick instantly hard. I couldn't help it, she was so close.

She gasped when she felt what she did to me which only made my dick twitch again with desire.

She smelled amazing, feminine and...just...Bella. I moaned again as her tongue found mine. Her body had been tormenting me since the second I'd seen her tonight and now I could finally touch her the way I wanted to.

But after a few more seconds she withdrew slightly from our embrace and I immediately berated myself for getting hot and heavy too quickly.

She buried her head in my chest and took several deep breaths, soaking in our situation. "I hate wanting you so damn much," she groaned, to herself as much as me.

"No you don't." I almost growled at her. I took a step back so I could study her face. "You love it. Those butterfly in your stomach. That ache deep in your bones. That longing that makes your skin tighten. You feel it, don't you?"

"Edward…" her tone was so full of want and need I had to tighten my fists to stop pulling her to me.

"Don't you?" I insisted. I wanted her to admit it. To say it. Outloud.

"Yes." She admitted begrudgingly.

"Good because you must know by now how much I want you?"

"Not enough to try." Her words were blunt but her fingers still stroked my chest, her body acting in contradiction to her mind.

"Bella, don't... "

She raised her head and looked me directly in the eyes. Pleading. Again. But what for?

My hands found her hair and my thumbs stroked over her lips. "Fuck...Bella. Tell me this is okay...I know it's fucked up but..."

"Just fucking kiss me, Edward."

The deep groan that followed her words was my final undoing.

I was beyond desperate.

I pulled her body back to mine, crashing my lips to hers as I picked her up, holding on to her ass as I lifted her feet off the floor, never taking my lips from hers.

I planned on finding her room but we only made it a few feet to the sofa before I laid her down and found myself on top of her.

Her legs spread underneath mine, making way for my center to find hers.

As much as I wanted this to be romantic I knew it wouldn't be. There was an urgency from both of us. Whether it was a need to keep going before one of us changed our minds or the tension of being apart I didn't know, but we were both frantic.

I don't remember her removing my shirt and I don't know if it was her or me who removed my pants, but I know for sure it was me who pulled the bottom of her dress up and the top part down to expose her tits. We didn't even remove her panties, merely pushing them to one side for my quick entrance.

And my entrance wasn't the only thing that was quick.

Embarrassingly, I wouldn't be winning any endurance awards for that performance. I was so desperate for her and when I felt how ready she was for me I entered her in one thrust, holding one of her knees up by her waist to change the angle at which we met. Her moans told me this was going to be quick and frantic for her, too.

Thankfully, I held out long enough to hear her moan my name before I gave in and found my release.

A few seconds after we'd come down from our high she was moving beneath me in a totally different way. She scooted backwards, lowering her dress to cover herself properly as I sat up and pulled my boxers back in place.

Silence followed as Bella busied herself, re-adjusting her hair and dress and I stood to fetch my pants from the floor.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I asked, threading my legs through my pants but not buttoning them up.

"Of course, you know where it is."

Once I'd sorted myself out I'd took a minute to calm down. I looked at my fucked up hair in the mirror and took a few deep breaths before returning to Bella's living room.

When I found her she was standing with her back to me which made it easier to say what I needed to. "Bella...I know you want answers..."

"This doesn't change anything...I know. Now, put your damn shirt on," she grumbled, turning and thrusting it into my chest as she walked toward the kitchen, not making eye contact with me.

"This would be so much easier if I hated you," she closed her eyes, her expression looking pained. "You can't accept Tyler so I should let you go, simple as that. Except it's not."

"Please don't hate me," I whispered in reply.

"I don't hate you. I'm not a naive girl, I knew nothing would change." She was furiously tidying again as I held onto my shirt, watching her fling around a dishcloth which I feared she might throw at me if I wasn't careful.

"I wish it would," I muttered childishly.

"I get it. Wanting me and wanting to be a role model figure to a three-year-old are two different things. Making sure he has his fruit and veg and spending twenty minutes looking for his left shoe aren't for you. I get that, I do, and I have to deal with that. But I can't do that with you standing in my living room half-naked so you need to go." Her tone was so blunt and distant I was too shocked to move.

She must have sensed my hesitation because she continued. "I know you don't have your car but there's a car service number on the fridge. I'd drive you but I don't think that's a good idea."

"It's not that..." I was interrupted, this time by my cell phone. After fishing it out of my pants I saw it was Emmett.

"Sorry." I silenced the call, giving our situation the attention it warranted.

As I looked up from my phone Bella spoke again.

"Please, put your damn shirt on, Edward." Her voice sounded pained as I remembered the garment I was holding and threaded my arms into the sleeves and hastily buttoned it up.

"I don't know how to make this better." My voice was small as I ran my hands through my hair, reminding me of the way Bella had done the same thing mere minutes ago.

Her big brown eyes met mine in a heart-breaking expression.

"Edward," she started, twisting the dishcloth she was still holding, "I've learned over the past few years that there are some situations you can't make better. As much as you may want to, really fucking badly, you can't."

Bella was certainly talking about our situation, but her words only served to remind me of all she'd been through with Jake. I felt the pit of my stomach sink somehow lower as I thought of the ways in which my attempts to comfort her today had had the opposite effect and made our situation a whole lot worse.

I remained silent, thinking about how we shouldn't have a situation at all. We weren't together. I'd made sure of that.

And now my indecision was breaking both of our hearts.

My cell ringing broke our silence. Seeing it was Emmett again and knowing he was unlikely to stop calling until I answered, I tapped the screen and grumbled a greeting.

"Yeah, I'm around I've...l just popped out, I'll be back soon. Em, you're not my damn bodyguard, I'll be back soon, okay?"

I didn't give him much time to answer before hanging up and looking apologetically at Bella.

She was cross at me. Again. She was pacing back and forth, wringing the dishcloth in her hands as she cursed me further. Damn she was cute when she was mad, all furrowed brows and pursed lips.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she spoke. "This is great, Edward. I know how you and your brother are, now he's gonna know all about this. I have to see him in a few days for a damn parent-teacher conference and now he'll know I've been off fucking his brother tonight."

I shrugged. She was right. Em would have probably put two and two together by now and if he hadn't yet, he would soon.

"He'll be discreet," I promised. "I didn't plan this, I just saw you and...I didn't think it through. I didn't mean to do this and then just leave, I guess I wasn't thinking about afterwards."

"It wasn't all you, I wanted it too," Bella relented. "But I can't do this anymore, Edward. I can't play these games. It's best that you go."

I should have been happy that she'd admitted she wanted me, but instead I knew she now wanted me to leave.

"Shouldn't we talk about this?" I suggested, noting Bella was already shaking her head.

"Any man who can't see how amazing and special my son is doesn't deserve to know us. You can't accept him so you can leave now." Her words were harsh, her voice an angry tone I'd never heard from her before.

"I didn't say I can't accept him, I just need more time..."

"Edward, please, just go." She raised her voice and started flapping the dishcloth around again. "Go. Out. Leave."

"Bella..."

"Nothing's changed. You haven't accepted Tyler so there's no way this can work. Now go." Tears were forming in her eyes as she approached me and gave my chest a light shove.

I took a step back but didn't break eye contact with her. "Can I call you?"

"No. Go. Please." Her voice cracked on her last word and broke a piece of my heart with it. Her hands pushed me further towards her door as let her move me backwards, finally accepting what she was asking of me.

"Okay. Okay." I reached for her hands but she pulled away.

"Okay, bye, Bella." I reluctantly turned and left her house, shutting the front door and hearing her lock it behind me.

 **As mentioned there are two more chapters in this outtake.**

 **Please hit review and let me know what you think. I love your feedback and want to know what people think of my writing.**

 **Thanks to SarcasticBimbo and EdwardsFirstKissfor giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own.**


	3. Chapter 3-15D

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is just what they got up to in my mind.**

 **15D: "I have enough reasons not to be with her, don't give me any more."**

I stood on Bella's porch not knowing what my next move would be. As I tried to clear my mind, I heard the sound of soft sobs coming from the inside of her house.

I closed my eyes and internally cursed myself for the upset I'd caused.

As I turned around to face the door, I raised my fist to knock but paused. What I'd said to Bella mere moments ago was still true. I didn't know how to fix this and even if Bella let me comfort her, it wouldn't mend anything. It would probably make things worse.

Sure, I could turn around and knock on her door. If she let me in I could comfort her, placate her. I could even tell her I was all in, I could do this, no big deal, and I'd get to see her warm soft smile, get to touch her and hold her.

But it would be a lie. I couldn't start our relationship on a lie.

As much as I wanted, really fucking badly, to be all in with Bella, I wasn't. I couldn't even contemplate telling her that we were over, but equally I couldn't rush this. I'd only known about Tyler a matter of days. I needed more time. It was as simple and as complicated as that.

So I sighed and reluctantly retreated down her driveway, away from her and toward the sidewalk.

"Shit. Fucking hell," I screamed as I bent my knees and crouched down. I held my head in my hands and cursed myself again. Way to go, Edward. How to make a hopeless situation even worse.

I took a few deep breaths before standing up when I heard my cell ringing.

I immediately hoped it was Bella.

It wasn't.

"Em, seriously?" I questioned him.

"Ali said she saw you leave in a car with some chick. I can guess who."

I knew Emmett should have been a detective. If our business ever folded he'd have a new career in the police force for sure. "Ed, what the hell have you done?"

I opened my mouth to talk but didn't have any words to explain.

"Where are you?"

Still I was silent. There was no way of telling him where I was without admitting I'd left with Bella.

"Ed, I can't help if you don't answer."

I knew Emmett's heavy-handedness was because he cared about me and I was pretty stuck here.

"I'm out by Ferne Point. I don't have my car."

"Stay there."

I scoffed. "I'm not really welcome here," I informed him.

"Well walk to the end of the street then, dickhead."

"Fine, I'll be on the corner of Acorn and West."

"I'll be there in fifteen." He then spoke quieter as I heard the jingle of keys. "I'll be as quick as I can, baby."

I guessed that was meant for Rosalie and not me.

True to his word, Emmett pulled up fifteen minutes later.

I flopped myself into the passenger seat of his car, hoping to play down this whole situation to Emmett as much as possible.

"What the fuck, Ed?"

No pleasantries this evening, then.

"What? I'm allowed to talk to her."

"You weren't just talking."

What the hell? Did I have 'I've just had sex' written across my forehead?

Emmett took in my confused expression and explained his words. "Your shirt's buttoned up wrong." He shook his head and tried to suppress the grin I saw forming on his face.

Oh. Shit! I looked down at my misaligned buttons and set about fixing them as I spoke. "Damn it. You're not meant to know what's just happened."

"Me? Why?" Now it was his turn to be confused.

"Because you two apparently have some PT conference soon and she wasn't pleased that you'd know she was 'off fucking your brother.' I informed him, quoting Bella's words.

Emmett laughed out loud. "I'd already guessed that's what happened, you're not too subtle, Ed. Maybe if you don't fuck her, there's nothing for me to know."

"I have enough reasons not to be with her, don't give me any more."

"Yet here you are, leaving her bed again."

"Sofa," I corrected. "But I get your point."

Emmett raised his eyebrows at me. "Lucky bastard," he grumbled quietly before shaking his head again.

I'm damn sure he had nothing to complain about with his sex life with his wife, they couldn't keep their hands off each other when I saw them at family events and at work so god know what they were like in private. Still, I didn't question his words, I didn't want to get into that conversation with him.

"Jesus, Ed. I don't understand what you're thinking." He was clearly still happy to talk about my sex life though. Great!

"I wasn't. She left the restaurant and then I bumped into her outside and she looked so upset. I know it's my fault. I should have let her drive off but I thought I could make it better, help her..."

"So your dick is offering public service now?"

"No...fuck, did that really just happen?" I mumbled, more to myself, even though I knew the answer. I could still feel her touch on my skin, smell her perfume on my clothes, and feel the soreness in my lips from our frantic actions.

"So, what now?"

I shrugged. My brother sure had a lot of questions for me tonight.

"I don't know, just lay off me, man."

"I'm meant to just sit by and watch while you self-destruct?" Emmett was mad now, raising his voice and gesticulating wildly. It took a lot to make him mad but apprantly I'd managed it tonight. "I'm meant to watch you hurt yourself over and over again? That's not how this family works, bro, you know that."

I ran my hands through my hair but didn't reply.

"It seems like you've made your decision. If you can't accept her having a son you know what you have to do. You got your fix, now move on, yeah? Tanya has some hot friends at this party, dude."

"Not interested, Em." I shot him down immediately.

He hit his steering wheel in frustration. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I remained silent. I couldn't explain it because even I didn't understand.

"I knew you'd fuck up tonight. Dad told me to keep an eye on you."

"Dad?" What the hell?

"Yes. You've been monosyllabic all week and moping around like you've lost a limb. Mom and Dad are gonna notice, they're not stupid."

"Is that why Ali wouldn't leave my side tonight?"

"Yeah, probably. I thought you'd see Bella and get shitfaced drunk. Not end up sleeping with her."

I scoffed loudly at Emmett. "That might have been a better plan."

"Anything's a better plan than yours."

Emmett turned off the highway and I knew we'd soon be back at the restaurant, meaning I could finally escape his questions. He took a few deep breaths and his voice was calmer when he spoke again. "So you and her...and then you left?"

"Agh, I know. But what was I meant to do, Em? Stay and make small talk? We hadn't thought it through that far but she was there and her dress was tiny and her legs, fuck... I didn't think..."

"Clearly! I don't even know why I'm surprised. Everyone felt the sexual tension in that room."

"Ugh, not helping, Em."

"I'm sorry, now you want my help?" His tone was sarcastic as he stopped the car at the lights and turned to me. "I'm not gonna sugar coat it, bro, you're in the shit."

At this point, I thought silence was my new best friend.

"I still don't quite understand why you two can't see each other without Tyler being involved for now?"

"And get more hurt further down the line?" I snapped. I'd had this conversation hundreds of times in my head; I really didn't want to have it again. "I'm not sure how to know I'm okay with Bella having a son without spending time with him, but she won't let him get hurt by allowing us to spend time together when I may leave. How can you start a relationship with one foot out the door?"

Emmett shrugged as he pulled up in the restaurant parking lot and shut off the car engine.

"Sort out your hair, bro; you look like you've been thoroughly fucked."

"I have."

"Well flatten it down or something, it's a dead giveaway."

"Whatever," I grumbled as I ran my hands through my hair, sensing from Emmett's reaction that it hadn't helped.

Of course, when we walked back into the restaurant the first person we saw was our dad.

"Where have you boys been?" He tried to sound casual but he was never very good at hiding his emotions. He looked at me suspiciously and I realized I was done with this whole evening and constantly having to explain myself and my actions. I was beyond tired of this whole situation.

"I need a drink." I turned and left my surprised looking dad with Emmett, hoping and praying Emmett wouldn't tell my dad any details.

Thankfully, my out of character behavior must have been enough for my dad to know it was a wise idea to leave me alone for the rest of the party. Unfortunately, not all the guests got the message.

A rather keen woman with extra curly hair managed to place herself close to wherever I sat. Even when I rejoined Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, she seated herself at the next table, right in my eye line.

Thankfully, other than Rosalie giving me the stink-eye, no one else at the table mentioned Bella or my eventful evening, and for once I was more than happy to hear tales of JJ's diaper rash and the cream Rosalie recommended to help with it.

Seth also sat with us, which meant the conversation was kept PG and all was well until he mentioned his 'stinky' teacher who had given the whole class a big project to do. I think the problem was more that Seth hadn't started the work and it was due soon, but the indirect mention of Bella had all heads turning to me.

Christ. I felt like I was suffocating. I pulled at my shirt collar, and wondered how soon was too soon to leave.

I knew the party was finally drawing to a close when the slow music started. Couples appeared from nowhere and filled the dance floor, including my mom and dad who could never resist the chance to dance, and Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper.

That left Seth and me at the table alone. The poor kid looked exhausted at the late hour and as I watched Em get more and more amorous with his wife, I guessed they'd want time alone later when Seth was asleep.

"Hey, buddy, you wanna stay at my house tonight? We could head off now and let your mom and dad party on?"

Seth's tired eyes lit up as he grinned. "Yeah, can we get pizza on the way?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Not tonight, I saw how much party food you ate, you're just like your dad," I told him fondly. "If you're sleeping over at mine I'm not risking your puking," I joked. "But, if you like I'll help you with that homework tomorrow. I've got a few spare boxes and paint; we'll build an awesome castle in no time."

"Can it have a drawbridge? Miss Swan said the best castle will go on display and get extra homework points."

"We'll see what we can do," I told him, glossing over the mention of Bella and being sure not to promise him anything about his chances of winning. "I'll just check with your parents."

I was Seth's early escape from this party but really he was mine and I was pleased to have his company to stop myself wallowing in my thoughts all night.

I fought my way onto the dance floor and thought Emmett had found me when I felt a tap on my shoulder. But when I turned round it was the woman from earlier.

"Would you like to dance?" She was clearly nervous asking me, and I felt like a dick turning her down but at least I didn't need to lie.

"Sorry, I can't." Her face fell. "I have to get an eight-year-old to his bed before he falls asleep at the table." I nodded in Seth's direction and once she'd followed my gaze and saw Seth resting his head in his hands she nodded reluctantly.

"That's a shame." Then she was gone before I could say anything further.

My excuse was true but it was just that, an excuse. If I hadn't just offered to babysit Seth I'd still have turned her down. I wondered when it would ever feel right to be interested in another woman. I couldn't spend the rest of my life wanting Bella but not being with her.

That train of thought was too much for me after a long day so I shook my head and was relieved when I finally spotted Emmett.

He looked pleased when I told him my plan and even more so when I told him to take his time picking Seth up in the morning. He and Rosalie walked back to the table to say goodnight to Seth and checked he was okay with our arrangements while I looked for my dad. I didn't like leaving things so awkward between us so I interrupted his dance to say goodbye.

"I'm heading off."

"Home?"

"Yeah, of course," I shrugged. "Where else would I go?"

He looked up at my hair and down at my open shirt collar before looking back in my eyes. Being the cool, calculated guy he was, he didn't say anything more but after a quick raise of his eyebrows he nodded at me.

"Nowhere. Drive safely."

"I'm taking Seth, he's half asleep. That way Em and Rose can party on as long as they want."

"Good idea. 'Night, Son. Look after him."

With that, he turned back to my mom who gave me a warm smile before Seth and I finally managed to leave.

 **As mentioned there's one more chapters in this outtake.**

 **Please hit review and let me know what you think. I love your feedback and want to know what people think of my writing.**

 **Thanks to SarcasticBimbo and EdwardsFirstKissfor giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own.**


	4. Chapter 4-15E

A/N: I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is just what they got up to in my mind.

 **15E:"You've broken her damn heart and you're having a go at me?"**

The next morning I woke before Seth did, having had a pretty shitty night's sleep. I'd been unsettled, my dreams flitting between memories of last night with Bella and images of her with another man. Kissing him. Unbuttoning his shirt and pulling off her dress for him. Touching his chest and gripping his biceps. Looking at him the way she looked at me. Fuck! I closed my eyes as the images flooded my mind again.

With gritted teeth I climbed out of bed, thankful that I had time for a coffee or three before Seth plodded into my kitchen, his hair a mess and his hands rubbing his eyes as he woke.

I made him two pieces of toast and we chatted at the breakfast bar while he borrowed my phone to text his dad.

When he hadn't received a reply fifteen minutes later, we concluded Emmett must still be asleep so we started on the homework project.

Building a model of a medieval castle was way more fun than I thought it would be. It reminded me of my childhood with Emmett and the models we used to build. It also made me sad that so much of our building design nowadays was done on a computer. I missed the days of making our designs in 3D out of MDF and craft glue.

Around mid-morning, we drove to the nearest store for extra art supplies, and of course, we picked up a pizza and some snacks while we were out.

Back at mine we cracked on with Seth's project. I loved clearing my mind from my worries and only concerning myself with whether we should paint the castle or cover it in aluminum foil. The paint won out. I think Seth just wanted to get messy.

Emmett was stunned when he let himself into my house mid-afternoon.

We had gotten a bit carried away. There was a castle, a moat, a drawbridge, and half a medieval village, all glued on the one board.

He clapped Seth on the back and made all the right noises at our combined effort before he sent Seth off to wash the glue and paint from his hands.

"Surely Seth has an unfair advantage with an architect dad and uncle?" he wondered turning to me.

"And..." he continued, "thanks to you, Miss Swan knows all about our jobs."

"Hey, I was careful not to do too much for him, I only helped him with ideas and supervised him with the craft knife and hot glue gun."

"Hmm, sure you're not trying to impress Bella with your skills?"

"I think we're a bit beyond her caring about my crafting ability," I told Emmett, seeing Seth reappear and hoping that would be enough for him to change the subject.

Emmett circled the large board, looking at it from all sides. "How the hell do I get that into the classroom?" He wondered before turning to me. "Wanna help me deliver it?"

His voice was jovial but I didn't laugh.

"Did you have a good night?" I teased him back.

His grin told me all I needed to know.

"You're welcome," I replied.

He laughed and told me he would owe me a favor, but considering he had to get Seth and this model to school in the morning we'd call it even.

ooooooOOOOOOoooooo

The next morning at work, I knew Emmett had taken Seth to school and I wanted to avoid questioning him, but my resolve lasted all of five minutes as I gave in on our walk to a morning meeting.

"So did you see her?"

"Yep." He was deliberately quiet, not elaborating at all. That fucker wanted me to ask, he wasn't making this easy for me. He took a sip of his coffee as we walked down the corridor together.

"You were nice to her, right?"

"Of course. I didn't let on that I knew she'd been off 'fucking my brother'."

I rolled my eyes but Emmett's tone changed from jovial to serious.

"She looked tired, exhausted actually. You haven't been keeping her up at night again have you?"

"Fuck off."

"Just checking." He held his hands up in surrender. "I never know with you these days."

I cursed him again under my breath and was pleased to see our clients were already in the meeting room so Emmett and I couldn't talk any further.

ooooooOOOOOOoooooo

"Please, Uncle Edward." Seth was looking up at me with pleading eyes and putting an extra dose of whininess into his voice.

I looked over at Emmett and Rosalie, who were also waiting expectantly for my answer.

Seth and Rosalie had turned up to meet Emmett at work and go to their parent-teacher conference.

With Bella.

Seth was currently begging me to go with them so I could see our castle in the classroom display. He'd phoned me the evening before to scream down the phone that he'd won the best castle in the class and our effort was the center of some big display, which was apparently the best thing ever.

Ever.

He had reiterated that several times.

"Can't you take a photo and show me?"

Seth's face fell and Emmett huffed in the background letting me know I was pissing him off.

"No." Seth was adamant. "Miss Swan has made a whole display and I want you to see my model with all the others."

Damn.

I could see the moment Emmett pounced on my indecisiveness. He lent forward, whispering in my ear with just enough humor to lighten his tone, "You've made this parent-teacher conference really damn awkward for me, the least you can do is watch Seth so he doesn't pick up on any atmosphere."

Shit, I guess he had a point. I was fed up with being a jerk and disappointing people I cared about, so with a small sigh and a defeated sag of my shoulders I nodded to my nephew.

"Okay, sure. I'll come to your school and see the display," I agreed.

"Yay! I can stay with you while Miss Swan tells my mom and dad how awesome I am," Seth informed me as I chuckled at him.

"Can we go for a milkshake after, Dad?"

"If you get a good report," Emmett replied.

"I will," Seth answered confidently. "Miss Swan loves us Cullen's."

Emmett scoffed at his perceptive son, but I didn't.

"Not all of us," I muttered under my breath, earning an elbow in the ribs from my brother.

"I'll meet you there, then," I arranged with Emmett.

"Yeah. His parent-teacher appointment is at 6:10, so we'll get there about 6."

"Okay, sure."

As I left work I wondered what I'd let myself in for. I wasn't up for a run in with Bella, and certainly not in front of Seth, but I reckoned I could bypass the hall where the parent teacher conference was held, and see Seth's display and leave without seeing Bella.

That was my plan anyway.

I met my brother at the school entrance, ignoring his dig at my appearance. I didn't have the time or inclination to shave the few days growth from my face. I had a small beard going on but I didn't care. What was the point anymore? It wasn't like I was trying to impress anyone.

"No time to shave, or are you hoping Bella digs the homeless look?" he teased as I shushed him. The last thing I needed was for Seth to overhear him and repeat this conversation in class.

Seth led me to his classroom while Emmett and Rosalie headed for the hall.

As soon as I stepped through the doorway I saw the imposing display. Jesus. This must have taken Bella hours. Seth was right, I could see now why he wanted me to see it in person. A photograph wouldn't do this justice.

A table running the length of the back of the room had been made into a medieval village with all the kids' houses and castles displayed on fake grass and mud. Seth's castle was on top of a fake hill overlooking all the others and there were small people and animal figures dotted around as well as a pretend river cutting through the village. I looked up at Seth's face and was pleased he was so proud.

"Seth, it looks amazing, you did so well."

"I know, ours is the top castle. I got ten extra homework points too!"

He pointed enthusiastically at items on the classroom walls but I was still taking in the details and downright awesomeness of the display.

"Seth, this is..." I paused when I heard heels clicking on the wooden floor and then spun around when I heard a crash behind me.

Bella was there, stifling a curse as she bent down to pick up some books. Instinctively I walked towards her to help.

"I'm fine. I've got it." She straightened up and placed the books on her desk, using her now free hands to readjust her skirt from where she'd bent down.

"Hi, Seth," she greeted before turning my way.

I smiled at her when she finally made eye contact with me. Her glaze drifted down to my stubbled chin and jaw before she looked back up, into my eyes. "I...I didn't know you were in here. I'm just grabbing this before I see Seth's parents."

She quickly got over her surprise at seeing me and withdrew a granola bar from her desk drawer. "I don't know why I thought this parent-teacher conference would be any different from all the others. Every time I think I'll be home for dinner and I never am!"

She chuckled nervously while I remained silent, not knowing what to say to her.

She stared again at me again, at my beard, at my chest, before she looked away nervously in a way I'd come to love.

Love? What? No.

Oh, dear God.

I was so screwed.

My mind was working in overdrive. Seeing her in her work outfit, behind her desk made my mind think x-rated thoughts. About her and those legs. And that skirt. And my glasses and...I shook my head and tried desperately to clear my mind and listen to her as she started talking again.

"Well...I need to go." She gestured to the door as I realized I hadn't yet spoken to her.

She was looking at me oddly, probably questioning my silence which meant I finally managed to find my tongue.

"Seth wanted me to see the display. Now I can see why. It looks great, Bella. Really great." I rubbed my stubbly beard as I was thinking about what to say. Bella watched as her face fell and she looked away.

"Thanks. It was good to keep busy. Seth's castle is amazing, I can see how hard you both worked on it." I sensed a slight bitterness to her tone but I couldn't call her on it with Seth in the same room as us. I must have looked surprised though because Bella went on to explain.

"Seth said he stayed the night at his uncles and spent a whole day making the castle together and..." she swallowed deeply, not finishing her sentence.

"I..." Nope. I had nothing.

No explanation for how I could spend half my weekend with my nephew but had no time for her son. She had clearly noticed and was subtlety calling me on it.

"You don't have to explain, Edward. But I do have to go. I'll send your brother down when we're done if you want."

"Okay, ummm, okay," I agreed before I watched her turn and leave. I want to say so much more, to explain, to talk, but she was gone.

I stayed in the classroom with Seth as he chatted about Matty, who he sat next to, and Chase, who was now his best friend.

I listened absentmindedly as my eyes scanned over Bella's desk. I saw her jacket hanging over the back of her seat and a mug decorated with pictures of Tyler and the words Happy Mother's Day. I saw a few 'World's Best Teacher' ornaments and magnets. I saw pots of neatly arranged pens, pencils and highlighters. In fact, the whole classroom was neat and tidy, neater and tidier than any amount of eight-year-olds would keep it. Bella's influence was all over this classroom and I felt wrong being here. Like I was in her personal space.

Maybe that's why I found it so fascinating. It gave me small insights into her and her life, and although I shouldn't want to know more about her, I knew I was kidding myself by pretending I didn't.

Seth then approached me with a workbook so I focused on listening to him as he explained how each Monday morning they wrote about their weekend in the book.

I read the page he was showing me. It was all about how we had made his castle. How he'd stayed over at my house, how we'd bought supplies and fast food. How I'd helped him and how much fun he'd had.

I knew Bella would have read this. I flicked back through the book and realized how often Seth wrote about spending time with me. I was pretty chuffed Seth had had such a good time but I couldn't help but wonder what Bella made of it all.

When I reached the most recent entry, about our castle building weekend, I saw what I assumed was Bella's writing, marking Seth's work. She'd corrected a few spelling mistakes and then written, "It sounds like you have a pretty great Uncle."

With my mind still engrossed in Seth's workbook I startled when I heard the clicking of heels again, but this time it was Emmett and Rosalie who appeard.

With Rosalie gushing over Seth's display, Emmett took the opportunity to clip me round the head.

"Ow," I exclaimed, holding the back of my head at the unexpected thump.

"You're such a dickhead," he whispered.

"Me? I'm not the one going around hitting people," I retaliated.

"You've broken her damn heart and you're having a go at me?" Emmett looked mad.

"Broken...? What?" I looked at my brother in disbelief. "Surely, neither her heart nor mine were topics of Seth's education?"

"No, but I can tell."

"Oh, can you, Romeo? Well, don't be offended when I don't take your advice."

"I have no advice for you now, bro. I think you've lost your damn mind."

"Dad...look." Seth dragged Emmett away, leaving me staring at him interacting with his son and wondering why I was so damn sure I could never be like that with Tyler.

"Sorry..." Bella walked back through the doorway again. "I forgot this..." she plucked her jacket off the back of her seat and started to thread her arms through the sleeves of the garment.

I watched, desperate to talk to her but unsure what I could possibly say.

"Bonjour, beautiful…oh I didn't know you had company." A guy in a suit and tie popped his head round the doorframe. The smile fell from his face when he saw Bella wasn't alone.

He coughed, looking embarrassed as I wondered how many times I'd have to punch his face to stop that smug smile ever returning.

Jesus, where did that thought come from? I was acting all kinds of crazy since I'd met Bella.

"Umm…are you busy here or can I walk you to your car?" The guy asked her.

Bella looked at me as an uncomfortable silence enveloped the room.

I stared back. Desperate to say something, anything but nothing came out.

She then turned to the guy and nodded.

"Sure. Thanks."

They left, walking down the corridor as I heard her ask him how his PT conferences had gone but they walked out of earshot before I heard his reply.

Emmett raised his eyebrows at me from across the room and clapped Seth on the back.

"Come on, buddy. I think you deserve that milkshake."

"Is Uncle Edward coming?"

"I don't think Miss Swan would give him a report good enough to deserve a milkshake," Emmett told his son as I scoffed from behind them.

 **So, that's it for this outtake. I know it was quite angsty and Edward wasn't at his finest but this was how it played out in my mind and we know they can come back from this!**

 **Please hit review and let me know what you think. I love your feedback and want to know what people think of my writing.**

 **Thanks to SarcasticBimbo and EdwardsFirstKissfor giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own.**


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